he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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