In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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