I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
