How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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