WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How external is "for external use only"?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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