How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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