She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
