So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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