i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
