4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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