Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
