The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
