I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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