I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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