Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
