theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
