That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
