pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
