"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
