you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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