I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
