as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
