Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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