Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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