check it out our google latitudes are spooning
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
