margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
