Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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