NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
