Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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