Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
