i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
