Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
