dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
