I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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