WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
