you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pinky promised me she was 18
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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