I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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