That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
