my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
