Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
