Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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