i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
