i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
false alarm, still single
Randomize
