You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I need to align my fucking chakras
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
