oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just puked most of my soul out..
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