I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
this boner is exhausting
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
