im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
