i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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