literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
