she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Someone shit on the floor
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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