Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think your dad took our porno
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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