I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
ok first of all what the fuck
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
