I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
