I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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