I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
