Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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