Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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