To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
