don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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