you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
