you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
