even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
