she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
