I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
