I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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