So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
