We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.