Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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