So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
