dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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