Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
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Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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