chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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