did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
