one might say we're banned from that church
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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