just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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