Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
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I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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