I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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