Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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