So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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