me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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