the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
