I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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